August 23 - An Early Morning - part 2

We are back from Manyana and we were unsuccessful in seeing the rock paintings. Bone took us because we needed permission from the Chief to visit the area. No one was in the Ktogla in Manyana, and since we knew no one who lives there, we came to a dead end - no permission, no visit. Since Anita and I were in slacks from the cool morning, we waited in the car while Bone entered to find if some one could grant permission.

This brings me to an opportunity to answer a question from a reader about our previous visit to Moshupa's ktogla. I knew from our visit in 1990 that a skirt would be necessary should be be in the presence of Moshupa's chief, so I suggested Anita pack a dress or skirt for that specific purpose. We tried the morning of our visit to Mosupha's ktogla to find a family MALE friend to accompany us, and were unsuccessful. Although Njale tells me that she was not scolded for bringing us and introducing us to the Chief, I believe she was. I could not understand what was said as it was in Setswana, but the tone was scolding. Not bad - like a father to a child.

I had suggested the visit because of the unusual nature of living with hereditary tribal chiefs who can dictate actions such as women not wearing pants in his presence and using particular gates for coming and going and being allowed only in parts of the enclosure. At the museum in Mochudi the other day, we read that it was only after 1972 that women were actually allowed to speak in tribal meetings - attendance was OK I guess, speaking was not.

Njale and I spoke that evening about the struggle that women have all over the world becoming enabled. Our conversation began as she translated the discussion on a show on Botswana TV. A woman moderator was guiding a discussion on how the changes in women's ways and attitudes are undermining the strength and position of men in Botswana society. Njale and I agreed that what has been happening in Botswana and other developing nations is very similar to the rights of women in England and America with the suffragettes. Women must fight for themselves everywhere it seems, and in some countries, women are moving ahead. Botswana women are moving ahead now and it is causing family difficulties - men leave women to care for the children and to do what they want. One billboard I saw talked about small houses creating more opportunities for the spread of HIV/AIDS. The implication is that small, multi-generational houses put women at greater risk.

The questioner also asked if the visit to the Chief had anything to do with Brian's pension which was mentioned in one earlier post. No, thankfully, I guess, the chief has nothing (at least that I am aware of) with the delivery of the money due to Njale and the children from the University.

Another comment was related to our continuing difficulties with the satellite TV system in the house while Refilwe was away and that young folks seem to handle technology with no worries. The last day we spent without Refilwe was spent totally without TV - we actually had to talk to each other last night. Some how the 'parental controls' were activated and we were locked out of every single station. By the time we woke up this morning, all was fixed. Either Refilwe or Bone fixed as the arrived around midnight, and neither is telling how. Keeps us under control, I guess.

I've been to the garden again to take photos in the sunshine. Anita's little point and shot camera takes wonderful photos in total darkness, so we have some photos of our little ceremony this morning. We will share these only with family, and I am certain everyone will understand.

























This last view shows the location of the garden in relation to the house. It is in the front corner of the property right inside the wall that surrounds the home. You can also see the relationship between the first home and the more traditional home with the slanted roof, where the family lives now.





I had planned to place some birthday wishes at the end of appropriate posts, as a number of friends are celebrating special days while I am gone. That thought went out of my head until last evening when it suddenly reappeared. So let me wish...

BELATED BIRTHDAYS TO...

• Kenny Barnes and Liz Lancaster on August 12th
• Michele Happel on August 16th
• Jake Weisfeld on August 17th
• Robert Lockett on August 21st
• Carol Cooper on August 22nd
• My cousin, Sharon Lee Moss Buck today
  

BELATED HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO...

• Trish and Bob Hemler on August 19th

Something is smelling pretty good at the other end of the house. Perhaps some lunch is ready. It's just after 1 pm local time.

Weather is sunny and warm. Mornings have been cool enough for a second layer, but warm enough for light weight short sleeves by 10 am and shorter pants. Many locals consider this to be winter and are still wearing sweaters, coats and hats. Brian had the same difficulty coming to the US after living here - his blood had thinned and he was cold most of the time.

See you in the next report.

Brian's memorial - August 23, 2008

As I finished my post from yesterday, Njale came come with new tires and more flowers for the garden we have been creating as a place of rest, relation and contemplation. When we finished planting the new flowers, transplanting some from other garden spots in the compound and watering everything, we were ready for the memorial service. Brian's ashes will be placed in one particular spot where he will watch over his family. and Njale can sit and talk to him as she wishes.

Refilwe was not home from her trip by the time we all went to bed last evening. Her bus return was delayed almost 4 hours, hours that Bone spent sitting at her school and waiting. We are very grateful for his willingness to do this so we did not need a late date trip to Gaborone.

By the time Njale awakened Anita and me at 5:30 am, Bone was stretched out on the couch were he had spent the night. Refilwe was waking up and Sedi soon arrived. As we sat in the living room together, small portions of Brian's ashes were measured out for each member of his family and put in small pots for them to take to their homes and bedrooms. And, then we all walked to the garden in the night of early morning.

Only a little light was showing in the east and as I looked up at the stars I saw my old friend, Orion, who I love seeing in the winter sky at home. He too was part of the stories in Australia, but was not visible last evening. There he was in the morning sky, guarding all of us as we prepared to say our final good by to Brian.

Soon each of us had taken portions of the ashes and tossed them into the opening we had created last evening. Njale took a small portion to put in the hole we dug at the top of the double concrete heart that is the centerpiece of the garden. A bench sits at the top of the heart and the small hole is now an area filled and easily identified. Brian will sit with anyone on the bench.

After the ashes were distributed and covered with the earth, I was able to present my thoughts to the family, as Njale had asked. I talked about Orion, how wonderful it had been to find him in the sky, and to know that all of Brian's family will share this constellation over the course of each year. Orion will join us despite the distance between us. Then I shared a poem that I have given as a gift for a number of reasons - birthdays, promotions, retirements, graduations, and now a memorial. With apologies to Barbara J. Burrow, who is credited with its creation (entitled WOMAN, and used the feminine gender), I share it with you now....

BRIAN

That man is a success
who loves life
and lives it to the fullest;
Who has discovered and shared
the strengths and talents
that are uniquely his own;
Who puts his best into each task
and leaves each situation
better than he found it;
Who seeks and finds
that which is beautiful
in all people and things;
Whose heart is full of love
and warm with compassion'
Who has found joy in living
and peace with himself.

Anita kindly prepared breakfast for all of us while we were sorting through Brian's clothes. It is Batswanan tradition to distribute a persons clothes after his death, and Njale wanted each of us to take something - in my case, I was responsible for finding something for Jim, Dad, Jean and Ed and myself. Even Anita was encouraged to choose something.

Bone is waiting to take Anita and I to Manyana where we hope to see some ancient rock paintings. Perhaps, I'll be back later today.

For now, good bye and look for Orion when he returns to the northern skies.

Karen